Part 95: Interview 48 - “Slightly More Desperate Than I Was Intending”
Interview 48 - “Slightly More Desperate Than I Was Intending”Day 10 of Final Front. Who has two thumbs and is ready to finish Sturm off? That's right, this guy.
Plus if I delay any longer I'm going to get overrun. We need to keep Sturm off our backs for as long as possible, so let's get to it.
First we need to deploy more expensive bullshit to keep Meteor Strike off our back and onto Colin's back specifically. He can handle it.
So, here's Valentin.
"Whatever I need to do to defeat you, I'll do it. This army never gives up, and I'll never give up on them! Give us your worst!"
This Neotank almost murdered
The copter girls over this way, Diana and Alina, are helping Kanbei out by attacking this tank. First Diana lands a solid hit...
And Alina follows up with a bit of chip damage. God, everything Sturm has is so fucking tanky. Hate it.
Our meteor bait is looking pretty good though, so hey, Colin's doing alright by my standards. Kanbei, you're up.
Obviously, these tanks are massive fucking problems for anything that isn't a copter, like, say, Vanessa over there. Rose comes in to harass the medium tank and protect her friend.
"There's no way we're going to pull ahead like this." Vanessa says to her, eyeing the battlefield. "What's the strategy, Rose?"
"You haven't figured it out yourself?"
"Well, logically, a small strike team or a bomber should break out and go for the big fuckoff laser over there, but there's no way that anyone could get over there before we get overrun down here. If my dude is as focussed on no casualties as you say... well, you can't have it both ways, basically!"
"Ah," Rose says, winking. "But Vanessa... you underestimate Peregrine's speed."
More copters! Their defensive values against tanks are pretty useful in this map. To be fair, Kanbei's defensive values in general are pretty useful.
This is Minerva.
"You will never understand what real fighting is, Sturm. Your motivation is ruling the world? Pathetic. My motivation runs far deeper - for Kanbei, I would do anything. For this country, I will gladly lay down my life. Now lie still - this will only take a second!"
Peregrine's off, meanwhile; she's successfully snuck through the army and is on her way to the cannon.
Andromeda is on hand in case anything goes for Vanessa, who's gone back to the base for big defensive bonuses, and also healing.
Right, Eagle time. We've got two bombers and an enemy Neotank, so let's see what happens when the two of them collide. Matilda unleashes all her firepower and, since she's the only bomber who is still on max HP, does actual damage and kills it. Since that's the case, we don't need Amarah and we can retreat her south, away from that fucking fighter jet that's hanging around here.
...Hm. Looking at this, the fighter could sneak in and kill a bomber without getting into Henry's missile range. We absolutely cannot allow that.
The solution is more missiles. Howard, let's go!
"I'm only here because Mulligan would have my hide if I missed the final battle of our campaign. I do have good reason to be here, though... you've threatened both my home of Orange Star, and my new home of Green Earth, and I will no longer allow you to threaten anything I care about!"
Two missiles and Cassandra. Wherever this fighter goes, it is fucked. ...Though it looks like we're going to lose a bomber.
Sturm's turn next.
Here we go.
Zlata's eyes widen as the fighter screams towards her, unleashing a volley of torpedoes aimed squarely at her already-damaged bomber.
"No, no, no... this can't be!"
"Shit- Zlata!" Amarah says, turning desperately.
"Don't break formation! You'll end up getting yourself killed!" Howard yells.
Amarah gasps. "Howard?! How can I not help out when Zlata's about to... about to..."
"I know it looks dire." Howard says, watching the missiles fly towards the bomber. "But my dude never allows his soldiers to fall. He... he must have a plan... right?"
Suddenly, Zlata's transceiver crackles to life and they hear her sobbed last words as the sounds of explosions rock the bomber. "A-aah! D-Dimitri's Mercenaries, do you copy?"
"We're here. Zlata, I..." Diana says.
"No, it's OK. Just tell Dimitri-"
A mighty explosion strikes the bomber dead-on, and it begins to fall out of the sky as Zlata screams. However, there's a shift in the air behind her, and a white-haired woman in a police uniform is running towards her, her hand outstretched.
"Take my hand if you want to live!" Ruin yells.
In desperation, Zlata grabs the woman's hand and watches as she pulls out a playing card and flicks it, taking herself and Zlata out of the universe just as her bomber strikes the ground in a furious explosion.
The rest of the army is silent for a few moments.
"...Did you hear that?" Vanessa says.
"Yeah. Who was that?" Howard asks.
"I knew it." Rose says, giving a soft smile. "Well... for once, I didn't expect that. But I knew my dude wouldn't put anyone in danger unnecessarily. He knew that was going to happen. He'd planned it."
You're god damn right I did. Or... I guess I have the goons to thank for saving Zlata's life. And Ruin. You guys really pulled through when I needed you.
So, that stressful nightmare is out of the way... let's get on with the map, shall we?
The rest of Sturm's dipshits are determined to kill at least one of my units permanently, but this tank doesn't do much to Vanessa on the base.
This medium tank, though, goes for Alina, who is already immensely weakened. Even a 3HP copter can take a Sturm medium tank, but it is not nice to watch. We've got to get the Blue Moon copters out of there - Kanbei's bro copters can handle the situation much better.
Whew. No more fucking around now.
I lied. There's going to be lots of fucking around. Firstly we deploy Gavril for bait purposes.
"You've crafted some of the finest weapons I've ever seen. The Black Cannons... the Deathray... I'd love to study them." Gavril says. "But I cannot condone the way these weapons have been used, to inspire terror and fear! War is purveyed to protect, not destroy, and I will prove that today!"
Over here, since Diana still has a decent amount of HP, I made her continue stabbing nearby tanks. Then I have a genius idea.
Yeees. That should buy them some time.
"Hope you don't mind us coming along for the ride!" Alina says, winking.
Diana shakes her head. "The Snowbound Free Company's been a great boon throughout this campaign. Let's finish it together, Alina."
"With you all the way!"
And we end our turn. Colin really isn't doing much in the latter part of the map, honestly, besides meteor baiting. It's Kanbei and Eagle doing the more important stuff.
So let's start actually killing some of these god damn tanks, shall we? I'm sick of them. Vanessa manages to finish one off despite being an anti-air, because Vanessa doesn't give a fuck about things like "match-ups" and "units being alive".
Then we can slowly wear down this- holy fuck, is that a Neotank up there?
Come on, Sturm, I've barely managed to kill your tank, let alone your medium tank. What the hell are you doing, deploying a Neotank on top of that? This is why everyone secretly thinks you're an asshole.
I'm lying again. Everyone openly thinks you're an asshole.
Either way, Andromeda did some decent damage. Rose can't get to the medium tank, but she can at least weaken this infantry. Next we need to move Peregrine.
...But very carefully. Sturm deploys a bunch of anti-air stuff to try and stop you just cheesing this map with a single bomber, but his anti-air units will head south if they don't run into anything, so it's pretty easy for either Kanbei or Eagle bombers to just sneak past them like this.
Well, this is looking... decent. The copters should be able to handle the Neotank, but that strategy is going to be ruined the minute that the anti-air on the base is healed up. He'll shred my defences given half the chance.
First, Henry targets this dickhead...
"Hey, one of my family members is coming to visit me soon!" he says, beaming.
"Oh, really?" asks Amarah.
"Yup," Henry replies, firing on the fighter with everything he's got. "You may have heard of her - Auntie Air!"
"Oh, very droll." Howard says, chuckling. "Allow me to finish this thing off."
And with another shot from Howard, it's down. Thank fucking god for that. I hate fighters.
So now our bombers can fly around unopposed once more, and I'm in the mood to kill some stuff. I need to let off some steam, so Matilda absolutely crushes this fucking infantry.
Also I would like more bombers that have more than 5HP. Come on, Wallace.
"You took my boy." Wallace growls. "You. Took. My. Boy."
The rockets and artillery aren't super threatening since Eagle mostly has bombers, but still, if I can keep them trapped then I'll feel better. Sturm's turn, anyway, let's see what he does.
Fucking finally. I was wondering if he'd just forgotten he had Meteor Strike.
And, thanks to my prep...
It goes exactly where we want it to.
"Oh, hell, is that-" gasps Ivan.
"Oh, god, not again." Boris says. "Brace for impact, everyone!"
BOOM! Good job, guys, you absolutely nailed it. I feel slightly bad for dropping meteors on you.
Slightly.
Of course, the other big problem is all of Sturm's units getting a massive attack and defence boost. This is going to be a rough turn, and Alina/Diana are struck first, by the goddamn Neotank of all things.
And the medium tank?! Come on, that's not even fair.
Thankfully, that's all that really happens. Still, Sturm's units are going to be reeeeeaaaally hard to damage this turn, which is not going to help. Let's see what we can do about that.
First up, more stuff to protect Blue Moon's HQ. Dimitri!
"Soldiers! Status report."
"The meteor just hit, and we're all wounded but alive." Boris reports. Dimitri nods.
"And Zlata?"
"She's alive. I heard from HQ that she just showed up in the medbay, like she'd been teleported there. No idea how, and I don't think she knows either. But she's alive." Ivan says.
"Good." Dimitri says. "Alright, you big masked bastard. You almost had us on the ropes there, but you made one fatal mistake. You pissed me off. I'm gonna snap your soldiers like twigs given half the chance, and if you think there's any hope of you winning this battle, think again! Dimitri Volkov is ready for action, and his troops are the best around!"
"Sir, yes sir!" yell the proud members of Dimitri's Mercenaries.
Everyone who was part of that whole meteor thing has joined/healed up, so hopefully they recover most of their HP by the time Sturm's units get down here. They'll be knocking on our doorstep soon enough.
Meanwhile, we have a full HP, Sturm-powered Neotank hanging around, and Vanessa is tanky but not that tanky. The copters form a defensive circle around her, which should hopefully buy us some time, but this is... not looking good.
Let's deploy backup.
Kyril is here to help!
"I'll never stop fighting to protect my people. Never, ever! So no matter wh-what stands in my way today, I'll crush it. That's what being in the Yellow Comet Army is all about!"
Plus, we've got even more good news on Kanbei's end.
"I'm in position A!" Peregrine yells. Rose and Vanessa look at each other, and nod.
"Alright, Perry. Let 'er loose!" says Vanessa.
A titanic explosion ensues from the north of the Yellow Comet Army as the Black Cannon crumbles into pieces, each monolithic part of it landing on the ground with an almighty crash, shattering and breaking until all that is left is rubble - and a gold-coloured bomber, flying triumphantly around it.
"Woooooohoooooo!" Peregrine yells, punching the air.
"Well done, Peregrine!" Rose says. "Now get to position B as soon as you can - we need to finish this battle as soon as possible!"
"Right on, Rose. There isn't a faster pilot in all the world, so hang on as long as you can!"
OK, this is going well. Both cannons down, and we are kind of being overrun, but like, not too much? Eh. We'll see how this goes. We're so close to pulling it off, though...
So now we need to deal with Eagle's side. There's a whole lot going on here, so first up we have Cassandra bullying this artillery.
And yes, I know there's a medium tank right next to her that could absolutely crush her.
In my head I was thinking "yeah, it's fine, I have bombers around to take out that medium tank"
...Forgetting, of course, just how fucking bulky post-CO Power Sturm units on a base can be.
So yeah, even combined, Amarah and Matilda can barely get enough damage to scratch this thing, and it'll heal 2 of that HP back next turn.
"Cassandra, you need to get out of there!" Howard calls. "If Mulligan-"
"I know, I know..." Cassandra says. "Mulligan would be furious if I risked my life like this. But this is the final battle, Howard. If we don't give it our all... we may not win. I'm determined to success."
"Cassandra..." murmurs Howard.
Anyway, things on Eagle's side aren't too badoh for fuck's sake is that another fighter jet
I hate fighters. Right, we're gonna have to figure something out - I think I've got a plan. It's risky, but...
Sturm's units, meanwhile, have located the weak link in my defensive line - the Colin copters. Alina/Diana take another brutal hit from the Neotank, but they're still standing.
They've also finally broken through the middle and are now approaching the Blue Moon HQ. We're about to have a lot of company very soon, and Gavril takes the first attack from this enemy tank whilst he's healing.
The medium tank charges at Alina/Diana, already on 2HP, to finish the job.
"Oh, it's all over. I never got to..." murmured Alina, but the tank fires before she can speak.
There's an explosion, and Alina looks up to see Diana's copter ahead of her, taking the hit on her behalf. Diana's copter is just barely holding on, but she grits her teeth and gives a grin of sheer bloodlust.
"You almost got us there," she growls. "But I'm a member of Dimitri's Mercenaries, and we do not go down easily. You'll have to shoot me another five or six hundred times if you want me to die for good!"
"Diana, don't do anythin' rash." Dimitri warns over the transceiver.
"Yes, sir. Permission to retreat with Alina?"
"Granted. Get back here safe - I need my second-in-command with me." Dimitri replies. Diana nods.
"Alright, Alina, we've given everything we had. Let's get back!"
"R-right!"
The medium tank, healed up, turns to Cassandra and opens fire mercilessly, tearing through her thin defences.
"Gaah!"
"Cassandra!" gasps Matilda, looking down at the ground, but she sees Cassandra holding on. "Oh, thank heavens..."
Cassandra is whispering a mantra to herself. "We must hold the line. We must hold the line. We must hold the line..."
God, this is getting closer and closer. If I leave it any longer, someone's going to actually die. Just gotta hold it together for a little bit more. You can do this, my dude. Stay on task.
Dimitri can open proceedings against this tank - it's nice to have a Neotank on hand for stuff like this. He can't kill it, but I've given up on the idea of actually killing a Sturm unit at this point. Weakening them is about the best I can do.
Everyone else retreats and/or heals, but up above, the army is nipping at our heels. This is going to be close.
You should also be able to spot Alina/Diana just under the menu - they've retreated back to safety.
The anti-air has finally healed up and moved down towards us, which is why I deployed Kyril in the first place. He can completely neuter it in a single attack - just shy of a kill - and thus I no longer have to worry. Phew, my copters are safe once more.
...Relatively safe, anyway. Minerva makes a start on the Neotank.
Rose follows up on the medium tank...
And Andromeda attacks the Neotank again. We're barely scratching them, but damage is damage and we need all the damage we can get right now.
Peregrine is on track for the Deathray - which is good, because it fires again next turn. I'd like it to be gone by then.
...Unfortunately, Alina/Diana needing to retreat means that one part of our Vanessa protection group is now gone - Vanessa's vulnerable again. Let's hope she can take a few more hits.
Now we've got three bombers hanging around on Eagle's side, though, we should be able to pull through. First up, Amarah weakens this artillery - it's important that we don't weaken it too much, and you will see why.
Wallace can actually damage the medium tank now that Sturm's CO Power isn't affecting it, so he slices through half its HP without even trying.
And finally that lets Matilda finish it off. Cassandra is safe once more!
She pokes the rockets to celebrate.
What's the plan for that fighter, you ask? Easy.
Since the artillery isn't weakened enough to retreat, it's just going to sit there. The rockets will do the same. And if they don't move out of the way, the fighter can't shoot down my bombers. Once more, one of our enemy's own units is the key to holding off the rest of the army.
This is, uh
I have this completely under control, I swear
Also I forgot that rockets have such a huge range, but it's OK, Howard survives. Barely.
"Gah, fucking damn..." Howard gasps. "OK, OK, don't get stressed... everyone's still alive. Hold it together, Howard..."
"Howard, are you alright?!" says Cassandra, but Howard barks at her.
"I'm fine! Don't break that defensive line on my account! We're almost done here!"
"Right. Yes, that takes priority. We're almost done..."
The Neotank goes immediately for Vanessa...
"I'm Vanessa Kita Farid! You think you're going to hold me back with a mere Neotank?!" Vanessa yells as she takes the hit. "Absolutely not. Hit me with something harder next time!"
"Damn, Van really doesn't hold back." Peregrine says, grinning. "Good to see that her temper is still as under control as ever!"
"She's getting there." Rose replies with a smirk. "Now come, let us focus. Every second counts."
"Right! I'm going maximum speed, Rose, just hold out a bit longer!"
Day 14. The laser's gonna fire again unless we do something about it.
So hey. Let's do something about it.
"The HQ's under attack!" yells Valentin.
Dimitri turns around, his eyes blazing with a fury that the Blue Moon veterans have seen before, on very rare occasion. The white-hot fury of a man who will not be stopped.
"Zlata." he says. "Dimitri's Mercenaries! Snowbound Free Company! Other members of Blue Moon! We must defend that HQ at all costs! Do not hold back and do not show mercy, but mow down everything in your way! CHAAAAARGE!"
Boris charges ahead and lands a heavy blow on the infantry capturing the HQ - which is good, since it slows him down a lot.
Dimitri goes absolutely ballistic and just crushes the nearest target, powderising this poor anti-air.
Even the weakened units contribute. It's the last turn, we may as well get all the damage that we can!
Good job, everyone. This should be enough to hold the line.
And fuck this bomber especially. Only I'm allowed to abuse bombers, Sturm!
Kanbei's turn.
Even with the combined efforts of Kyril...
Rose...
And Vanessa, I still can't quite finish off this Neotank. I was hoping for a satisfying kill, but ah well, we weakened it a whole lot.
The medium tank also needs bullying, so I put Minerva and Andromeda on that.
Kanbei copters, I have underrated you. You're pretty amazing when there's absolutely no anti-airs around.
"Perry, how are we looking?" Vanessa asks.
"It's dead ahead. I'm ready!"
"And not a moment too soon. My dude and I planned this to perfection." Rose replies, nodding. "Alright, Peregrine. Finish it."
"Alright, but we gotta get the troops' morale up first. Open the transceiver communications for every army!" Peregrine says.
"Even Black Hole?"
"Especially Black Hole."
"Listen up, and listen well, Sturm! You and your COs have made a fucking mess of this world, abusing your powers to build factories and bases across every country, deploying as much shit as you thought you needed to stop us! But you forgot one crucial thing. The soldiers of Wars World value our home more than you could possibly know. Your soldiers have no will of their own - you don't care what they want to do. They just execute your will, that desire for world domination!" Peregrine yells as every soldier listens. "But we're in sync with our commanders, because we want the exact same thing - to free our world of your tyranny! Every soldier here would happily lay down their fucking lives if it meant defeating you - would your soldiers be willing to do the same for you? Would your COs be willing to die for your cause? I don't think so!"
"She's damn right." Dimitri says, nodding.
"Absolutely." Cassandra says. "We'd do whatever it takes to earn our freedom."
"And you genuinely thought that you'd be able to beat us? Divide and conquer? Absolutely not! When we work together, we're absolutely unstoppable - we're all from different countries, but our hearts still beat in the same rhythm, and it's a rhythm you'll never understand, you cloak-wearing prick! The worst part is, I don't even know why I'm telling you this. People like you will never change, because you never adapt. It takes people like us to make change - tacticians like my dude and Rose to make change!!! So take this! One final message from all of us, delivered by me, Peregrine Siddeley Lockheed!"
One last BOOM. The Deathray is down: the battle is won.
You're done, Sturm. Once more, you've lost to Commander my dude of the Orange Star Army and the combined forces of Orange Star, Blue Moon, Yellow Comet and Green Earth. Phew... my work here is done. Now it's up to them.
The enemy’s weakening! Attack the platform, and halt that launch!
Nell! You won your battle, too? Of course, my dude. But we won't have properly won until we're destroyed the missile platform!
Ye-Yes, ma’am! Quickly! Let’s hit the platform!
We will do our duty. Soldiers! Attack!!!
The moment of victory is at hand. The platform must fall! Hit it now!!!
Lord Sturm! The missile platform… It won’t hold!
How... did I lose to him again..? No. No matter. The missile must be launched. It’s impossible… Eeeeek!
Carter: The missile launch platform is completely inoperable.
YES!! I have come so far…
You’re next on this list, Sturm! …only to be stopped by you again. Commander my dude… Why must you always stand in my way? I will not let it end here. I will sacrifice my own flesh, and all of you… …will join me in death!!!
Whoa! Hold it! What’re you planning?
A self-destruct device?
Possum spit! Maxie! Back off! You jerk!
Andy! You think for one second that we’re going to let you get away with this!? This… This worm… I…am…not…a…WORM!!! I’m Andy! I’m a CO in the Orange Star Army!!!
No! Andy! Run away! Dammit… Ruin already used her power... Dip- Andy! Get out of there! Andy! Everyone! Get back!
Chance is a fickle thing. You never know when it will come your way.
Who? Hawke? Sturm…I think it’s time for you to go! Black Storm!!! Gaaaaaah!!!! Hawke…you trai...tor… Good riddance. But why? Why would you… ……
Lord…Sturm… Hawke, what have you done? As of now, I am the commander-in-chief of the Black Hole Army. If you have anything to say, come forward, or hold your peace.
…… What’s all this about? Weren’t you in league with Sturm? I wanted to test my power. To see how strong I could become. I’m interested in nothing save myself. That was my purpose. Nothing more.
In any case, you saved us all. Does that eliminate his sins? I won’t forget what you did to Green Earth! Hah… I didn’t ask you to. I’m through with all of you. I’m satisfied with your performances. What? How about his… We continue this fight until I’m satisfied! I swear to fucking god, Eagle, why do you always want to have a bonus fight after beating ostensibly the final battle?
Eagle! That’s enough! Our troops are on the brink of collapse. There’s nothing to be gained by fighting any longer. I may be out of line, sir… But I believe he’s correct. …… The Black Hole Army is in ruins. They’re no match for you now. I’ll take them and withdraw. Hawke! I’m with you all the way! Me, too! This looks like it could be fun! I… I follow the strong. Then prepare your troops. We’re leaving this place. Hold it, Hawke! What you’ve done to Macro Land is unforgivable! But… You saved me… You saved all of us. Thanks. Hah… Though the Black Hole Army’s gone, you would do well to remember me. Until next time! He had his say and left… I wonder if he’ll attack again someday. It’s hard to say. If he does, though, we’ll just have to drive him back. We’ll have to spend some time preparing if we’re going to do that. I am not going to lead the charge for a third time. We must help heal the battle-ravaged soil of Macro Land as well. All of that can wait! We won! …Well, we did, didn’t we? Yes, we did. Well, let’s celebrate! It’s party time! Paaaarty! Figures. We barely escape death, and he wants cake and ice cream. For once, I’m with Dipshit. A party sounds like a fun idea. PARTY!!!
Well, it's not a perfect score, but everyone's alive, and that's what matters. We actually pulled it off. And with that... I guess the campaign is over.
Agreed, Colin. Now let's have ourselves a party, shall we? We beat Advance Wars 2! That warrants a celebration as far as I'm concerned.
So... this isn't quite the end. We're gonna have a little celebratory week now that it's all over, so here's the schedule:
From now until Sunday, I'll be running an QnA. I don't know if you'll have any questions, but if you wanna know about behind the scenes stuff, any other details, my thoughts on the game or whatever else, now is the time to ask. I'll check in as often as I can to answer questions.
On Wednesday, I'll be revealing the results of Their Finest Hour, where we'll find out the top 10 most popular characters from each country. As of today, voting is closed, so hope you got your votes in!
And finally, next Friday we'll have the actual final update, which is going to be the credits. No credits video this time, we'll have to make do with credits screenshots, but I hope you're looking forward to it nonetheless.
It's been a pleasure, everyone. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a party to get to.
***
Part 48 Additional